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Longing Is Not Love

• May 6, 2013 • Comments (1)


People frequently call into my Blog Talk Radio show and ask when “he/she” is going to call or show up again. They each will share about the deep and powerful connection they share with a someone – and then asks why they’re not together or when they will be. They’re either married and unhappy or simply not showing up.

I want to be clear that it’s not about judging anyone here… it’s about responsibility.

When we create a situation where we long for something, what we really desire is a piece of ourselves that’s missing. When you meet someone who sets your world on its side and is not available – you are the one who is not available.

Our inner reality reflects our outer reality. What is occurring internally will always show up in the world outside.

Spiritually connected is about being completely present. That does not mean that people don’t feel something similar around that person. But the kind of presence that uplifts us is what I’m referring to here.

Relationships with sustainable, healthy love embody the magic of discovering your own internal love in external form.

Therefore, when you meet someone who is extraordinary as a companion and is present in a peaceful uplifting way, it is because the love and peace you experience inside is reflected back to you.

So, when someone is in agony and we can feel the palpable desperation and ache of longing, how can that possibly be love? Simple: to that person it is the only way that they ever got any love in the past! They were required to give themselves up for a parent or guardian to get love.

When we experience panic and longing we are reaching outside for a piece of ourselves that’s missing, or we forget that we had inside.

In essence it’s only a desire to protect ourselves from being hurt that has created circumstances that has kept some people from sustainable love. As long as one is in longing, then love always appears possible. But once you take a risk – it can be lost. Or can it?

Here’s the psychic rub: How do you tell a client, desperate to hear that the “one” is around the corner, that they will never find externally anything to fill an internal ache. Any relationship formed from the intensity of wanting (or lack), will never be enough. When you’re in the middle of that kind of energy, it is almost always impossible to see it, but it’s easy to spot in others.

So the answer to the cosmic question “when will I find love?” becomes very simple. You will find love when you choose to experience love. If you are in the state of “when will he/she show up,” you have chosen the state “when will he/she show up.” Energetically that’s what you will attract.

When you experience love internally, it absolutely must show up externally. Therefore, the only reason it does not show up is because you are seeking it outside yourself to fill an inner ache.

This month’s free meditation “The Energy of Love” offers you an opportunity to experience and create love internally. Go! Give yourself this gift now.

With Love,


toriTori Hartman is a psychic, intuitive and color expert with a worldwide following.  For more on Tori visit







Category: Get Involved

Comments (1)

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  1. This hit right on what I have been wondering about love… although I'm confused when u receive what you want then all of a sudden the other person just quits. Brush hands and walk away…. :-/

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